TOYA'S RANT: RING THE ALARM HAS SO MANY THEORIES

First off, I'm hearing that the song is about Rihanna but it could also be about Blu Cantrell and Free and all the other chicks that her fella Jay-Z has recently been affiliated with. Remember the rumours about Free's so-called pregnancy and that Jay-Z was supposedly the father? Or some weeks back when reports claimed that Beyonce stomped off at a Games match simply because Rihanna called him on his cell? He was reported to have been giving Rihanna all his undivided attention for a very long time and Beyonce got upset. What about the Blu Cantrell incident three years ago when Blu started chatting to Jay-Z at a New York night spot. Beyonce went on so bad that it looked like she was ready to fight. Jay-Z had to pack her off home in a cab. Since that incident, Blu has been taking shots at Beyonce ever since. Jay-Z allegedly fucked Mya as well but that was before he hooked up with Beyonce so I don't think Mya is in the running. I noticed that whenever another female upsets Beyonce she angrily yells about the situation in a song like Survivor, which was clearly an ode to Letoya Luckett and Latavia Roberson. She sings "Sold 9 million without you". What other way could this sentence be interpreted? And then there's the song Fancy, about a chick who is jealous of her, wanting to be her, wanting to get with every man that likes Beyonce. And at the end of the song she says she's not saying any names. This was obviously an attack at Farrah Franklin or Letoya. Media Take-out reckons that Ring The Alarm is about Rihanna. But I'm saying, Rihanna isn't the only chick that got on Beyonce's nerve surrounding her fella.

Secondly, I didn't pay attention to the lyrics from the jump because through all that yelling, the words sounded distorted and as the song would viciously attack my ears it didn't give me the chance to absorb the message of the song. In the lyrics, she says "I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm" meaning the relationship is rocky but despite things not going great, another chick can't have him. Then she says: "To know you give it to her like you gave it to me". This means, she loves the hell out of his cock but she can't live with the fact that if she were to let him go, the other woman would get laid real good just the same way as she did. But the main part that makes the song into a chicken-head anthem more than anything are these lines right here: "She gon be rockin' chinchilla coats, if I let you go. She gone rock them VVS stones, if I let you go. In the 'Bach or the Rolls if I let you go". OK, so you're worrying about a chinchilla coat and all the luxury this chick will come by if you were to finish with your man, so all the materialistic shit is what makes this man worth hanging onto? Come again? So basically, she goes from wanting a man to pay her "bills" to being an "independent woman" to demoting herself to being a dependent cluck-cluck chicken-head all over again. *lol* Ring The Alarm video will be very interesting indeed. Well, at least with the Bills anthem she could say she was 19 years old back then and was still a teenager but the girl is no teenager no more. She is now a 25 year old woman. She can't be singing these type of songs at that age. What ever happened to growth and maturity and maturely developing your music with age? I'm a bit younger than Beyonce and even I was expecting something more stellar. You move on from all that bubble-gum way of thinking.

Speaking of bubble gum, does anyone remember those nasty ass Jawbreakers and Gobstoppers? I use to dote on them when I was little. They had different colours and flavours. The blue gobstopper was wild blueberry, the green was peppermint and the red was hot-burning strawberry. I'd break my teeth trying to bite into the rock hard candy that protected the gum in the inside, and my tongue and teeth would be stained red as if somebody punched me in my mouth. You had to chew the hard candy in order for the gobstopper to soften so that you could get to the gum. But here's the torturous part ... when you suck at the hard candy, your mouth feels like someone made you drink petrol and then lit the match, hahaha! My face would become twisted and contorted with pain. I would find my little self bending my head over a cold running tap trying to cool my mouth off. I remember when I tricked my mom into having one. I was like "Mom, these are lovely, try one". The woman nearly passed out. It was fucking hilarious. The good thing is, after the pepper dies, you get to the gum and the flavour becomes ravishingly sweet, the way a pleasant gum should taste - like ice-cream. I'd thought I'd seen the last of those demon gobstoppers until I saw my little sister with some the other day. Hahaha. Aaaagh, the childhood memories! After a while I got use to them and learnt to toughen up so when my mouth became peppered I just flowed with it until the pepper went away. It's such a crying shame the same can't be said for Beyonce. Despite the sourness that we've been subjected to over the past couple of weeks (that appalling Deja Vu video, the disastrous album cover and weak 2nd single), when do we get to the sweet-tasting candy? Instead, as Beyonce gets older, it seems she becomes more backward. But with an album that took 2 weeks to make, could we have expected anything better?